


He Wanted To Say

by EchoInTheSilence



Series: A Lifetime Of Service [2]
Category: Numb3rs (TV)
Genre: Angst, Awkward Conversations, Episode: s04e02 Hollywood Homicide, Friendship, Gen, Internal Monologue, Post-Episode: s04e01 Trust Metric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 23:31:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18376325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoInTheSilence/pseuds/EchoInTheSilence
Summary: Sometimes a cursory answer is a cover for the deeper thoughts that can't quite be put into words. What Colby and David wished they could have told each other during the break room scene in "Hollywood Homicide".





	He Wanted To Say

Colby brushed past Don as he stepped into the break room, instinctively glancing over his shoulder when he realized he wasn't alone. When he realized who it was, it almost stopped him in his tracks.

Ever since he had woken up in the hospital, he had been simultaneously looking forward to and dreading this moment. He had missed David horribly over the past weeks, but the longer time went on, the more it became clear to him that there was a reason for David's absence, a reason that meant this was likely to be anything but a pleasant conversation.

On autopilot, he reached for a coffee cup, but couldn't bring himself to take the time to fill it. Holding the empty cup absently, he drew a deep breath and turned to face the man he had once called his partner, his best friend. “Hey, man, you haven't really given me a chance yet to, uh, say thanks.”

“For what?”

He wanted to say, _For everything. For being my friend._

He wanted to say, _Our friendship meant more to me than you could possibly know._

_When I first met you, I was over the idea of friendship. I thought it was just setting myself up to be hurt again. You showed me differently, just by being who you are. You're the best friend I've ever had._

He wanted to say, _I know how you feel. I'm sorry._

He wanted to say, _I never meant to hurt you._

_I knew I shouldn't have let you get close. I should have kept you at arm's length. But I was so tired of being alone, and when you reached out to me, I couldn't bring myself to push you away. I was selfish, and you suffered for it. I know I was wrong. I know it's my fault. I only hope that someday you can forgive me._

But all he said was, “You saved my life, man.”

xxx

He wanted to say, _You really hurt me, you know._

He wanted to say, _I know I should let go, but I can't._

 _My world fell apart when I heard your name on that list. I thought I knew you better than anyone, and then I found out it was all based on a lie. And even now that I know the truth, it doesn't change the fact that our friendship was based on a lie. In some ways, it was easier when you were a traitor. At least then I knew where things stood. Now everything's just a question mark._ _  
_

He wanted to say, _You shouldn't be thanking me._

He wanted to say, _I could have gotten you killed._

_When Don and Megan were asking questions, I insisted that you were guilty. They gave you the benefit of the doubt, but I, who was supposed to be your best friend, didn't. I let my feelings get the better of me, and I'm still doing it. When I saw you in that chair, I thought my own heart was going to stop. But when everything was stable, I just walked away like it didn't matter. You probably think I hate you now. Maybe this would be easier if I did. But I don't.  
_

_I still love you, Colby. And that's the worst part._

But all he said was, “It goes with the job.”

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by the song "He Wanted To Say" from _Ragtime_. I was listening to the soundtrack while reading NUMB3RS fics and I realized how the concept could apply. They will talk through all of this eventually (that fic is in the works), but it's too early in the timeline for that. This is just exploring their thoughts when they see each other for the first time.


End file.
